After The Work

The past is but a memory and the future is but a dream. What do I have this day, the “daily bread” from the Lord’s own hand?

Today I can still dream of a better day, or think upon a sunrise. I can imagine what life is like for others. I can reason and recall. My mind is clear, not clouded by worry or chemical. My body is (mostly) healthy, no one over 40 gets away completely free from ailments. I don’t have any serious pain, disease, or issue that cannot be treated with diet, exercise, or medicine.

Instead of wishing for the house I do not have or the money that isn’t in my bank account, I can be thankful I am not impoverished. I am not in the street but can work and employed with a wonderful group of people. While my car is old, it is good in the snow and is paid off. I am making ends meet knowing one day my debts will be complete.

I grieve over lost opportunities with family and friends. I chose to work and provide like a martyr who had no followers. Then when times got tough I hid away through the night instead of coming together as one. Instead of dwelling upon the pain, I can be thankful for the times with my kids on the trampoline and holidays. I can recall trips we have taken and movies we shared together. I also know I am preparing myself for the future if family wish to talk I will be ready to listen. This is unfamiliar territory to listen alone but I am thankful I can finally hear. I can imagine for every feeling of sorrow I feel my family felt times of loss, uncertainty, and sadness. I am thankful I can see the full measure of this, bittersweet as it is. I can be thankful for the pictures I have, the memories and the art left behind. I can delight in their personalities and marvel at their minds. I can do this while I grieve for both are appropriate at this time. I’m thankful I can see this now more clearly each day.

I am thankful for music today. I listen and get swept away by all sorts of melodies, harmonies, guitar rifts, and solos. I can sing along in the car or hum a tune in the shower. I am thankful I can play guitar and sing without pain in my wrist. The more I play the better I get. I’m thankful I have guitars and music to play for others and for myself in quiet contemplation. What is gift it is to be able to play for others and bring them some joy or distract them from pain. I am privileged to be able to provide this as part of my work and calling from God. To be able to combine spiritual counsel and worship together is a joy.

I am thankful for the friends in my life, both new and old, at work and off duty. Everywhere I go there may be crabby people, but there are far more who will smile back if I smile at them. I can pray for others both silently and together with them. I can bless them and hope for their futures. I can empathize with there struggles and share experiences of life. There was a time I feared everyone, hid from this world. I was tired, burned out and ashamed. No more.

I am thankful for God, His incomprehensible plan, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Jesus my friend and Lord never in my life has abandoned me even when I walked away from him. The Spirit comforts and counsels me still. I do not fear for the future and can learn from my past. I can read books about God and faith as well as his Word is always within reach. I am free to practice my faith in a country with freedom of religion. No one tells me what I should believe and if evangelized I can say “Amen sister” I know the Lord as well. I am thankful for his salvation from my sins and promise of everlasting life. I can know there is a place for me in heaven and when I doubt I ask him for faith. When I am afraid I can ask for the fears to be removed. I am grateful for an active faith that continues to show itself real each day.

I am thankful for technology and modern medicine. I can read up on what is happening and what is next. I can make decisions based upon what is right and not be a slave to my phone or make an idol out of my health. What marvels I have seen from 8 tracks and records to tapes, CD’s, MP3s and now I can hear any song I want at a push of a button. I can eat food warmed in a microwave and purchase meals that would take hours to make. I am also thankful for where technology and medicine fall short, that there is wisdom in the past and in the medicine of the earth. I can strike a balance and eat natural whole foods.

It is easy to look around at millionaires and billionaires and feel we could have so much more. I remember though that those who boast of their good works and names on buildings “have received their reward in full”. I can store up treasures in heaven today, doing good deeds without getting caught. Whether it be money, drugs, sex, gambling, or spending, I am thankful I do not struggle with the desire for more and more. It is a bottomless pit of desire with no end. I can look others in the eye trapped in this obsession and be thankful I do not have that pain today, that my eyes are bright and are not dark with despair.

Today I chose to be thankful. I can always put thanksgiving back on the ground and pick up worry and despair knowing I can simply hold gratitude closely once again. I can learn from pain today and be guided by faith and reason rather pushed along by regret and pain. I can have hope today and accept whatever God has for me rather place expectations upon life, myself, and others only to be disappointed by the results. I am thankful for teachers of the Way, friends who say “It is ok if you let it be so”. They mean more to me than I thought possible. In summation, I am thankful I am free to be me.